So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We don't watch enough power rangers
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
