Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
