YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
