haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We are two peas in an std pod
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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