I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
