Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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