id be glad to
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Pants are for mortals
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
