Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

Have you finally orgasmed yet?

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(406): View more from Montana

my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder

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(907): View more from Alaska

Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.

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(802): View more from Vermont

I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?

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