I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
