you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
