Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
