this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
