Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's just like the Real World with babies
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
