So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
