I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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