yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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