haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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