he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
