I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
