I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
