She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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