maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
