I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
