Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
