Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
4 words: hood of his car
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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