I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
