I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
