my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
