Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im holly from the hills drunk
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
