So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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