in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
