How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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