Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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