so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
