I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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