she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
