but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
