The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
