I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
