she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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