Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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