I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
