she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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