Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
