As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
