Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
