So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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