i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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