You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
