yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
