im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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