I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
