our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
