im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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