as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
